keepitsecret

Playtime

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 12:09:50 +0200

New Zealand dolphins at play.

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A big surprise.

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 12:01:26 +0200

Imagine this arriving tomorrow - uninvited of course!

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How Many Horses.

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 23:37:17 +0200

Count the horses THREE times to be absolutely sure that you are right.

How many?

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Like to Dance ?

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 19:50:35 +0200

The latest new dance craze is called, ' The Politician '.

It's two steps forward, one step backward, and then a sidestep.

Very easy to learn and never forgotten.

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Doubling Up.

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 09:27:41 +0200

Something that just happens.

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Beware!

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 11:29:34 +0200

Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink.

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You're greater than you think.

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 21:56:42 +0200

If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.

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True Love

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 11:43:50 +0200

True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

How about that?

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Hot off the Press

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 23:02:33 +0200

Today's USA News Headlines:

Musical pioneer Bo Diddley dead at 79
Kennedy brain surgery 'successful'
Polygamist parents OK'd to pick up kids
Sources: Senate superdelegates to back Obama
Six children dead after French bus crash

Typical of today's media - mainly political or sensational.

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Dear Grandma

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 12:49:44 +0200

The computer's swallowed Grandma
Yes, honestly it's true
She pressed 'Control and 'Enter'
And disappeared from view.

It's devoured her completely
The thought just makes me squirm
Maybe she's caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.

I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind
I've even used the Internet
But nothing did I find.

In desperation I asked 'Jeeves'
My searches to refine
The reply from him was negative
Not a thing was found 'online'.

So, if inside your 'Inbox'
My Grandma you should see,
Please 'scan', 'copy' and 'paste' her
In an Email back to me.

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Your Choice.

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 10:11:42 +0200

The latest information shows that 50% favour burial and 50% favour cremation in this fair city.

Let's find out what the preference is in Blogland

Burial or cremation ?

My choice is cremation.

Cremation at present is 100% favoured - lol

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Very Special.

Sat, 31 May 2008 22:01:44 +0200

Not seen every day.

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Anybody interested?

Fri, 30 May 2008 21:44:59 +0200

Click the photo for a much bigger one with more grunt.

This was snapped at one of our recent local car shows.

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Fair or Unfair?

Fri, 30 May 2008 09:16:19 +0200

Today, modern office technology multiplies the opportunities for employees to abuse their positions by blogging in the workplace. In a serious case the offender is likely to be penalized and even removed from their job.

Recently an employee in USA was suspended for 180 days without pay. The suspension is part of an effort to crack down on workplace blogging.

Fair or unfair?

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Silly questions - Silly answers.

Thu, 29 May 2008 22:17:32 +0200

These questions were posted on a website by someody intending to visit our country New Zealand and these were some of the answers actually received.

Q: Does it ever get windy in New Zealand? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them blow away.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Auckland to Rotorua - can I follow the railroad tracks?

A: Sure, it's only 200 kilometres, take lots of water...

It all depends on whether you really do have a sense of humour - lol.

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How to beat the Odds.

Thu, 29 May 2008 10:35:01 +0200

Ladies in a Sauna

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN,

WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG

WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED.

THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. 'THAT WAS

MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. 'I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN

OF MY ARM.'

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG

WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED,

SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A

MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.'

THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH. NOT TO BE OUT

DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS

IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO

THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET

PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.

THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYE BROWS AND STARED AT HER.

THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.....' WELL, WILL YOU LOOK

AT THAT....I'M GETTING A FAX!! '

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Passed Away

Wed, 28 May 2008 21:39:51 +0200

Unless I'm mistaken this blog may have died an unnatural death.

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Pause and consider this.

Wed, 28 May 2008 10:25:53 +0200

Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.

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Watch Your Drinks.

Tue, 27 May 2008 22:42:03 +0200

Have A Drink

There's this guy in a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half-hour. Then, this bully steps up to the bar, takes the guy's drink, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The bully says: "Oh, come on, man! I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I can't stand to see a man crying."

The troubled fellow replies, "This day is the worst of my life. First, I get fired for oversleeping and getting to work late. Then, as I'm leaving the building, I find out my car was stolen. I get in a cab to return home and I forget my wallet and credit cards in the cab. Then, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. So I end up at this bar, and just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

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What next?

Sun, 25 May 2008 09:35:23 +0200

Buying A Computer

Rev. Costello Buys a Computer.

Abbott: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

Costello: Thanks. I'm setting up an office here in my church and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

A: Mac?
C: No, the name's Lou.
A: Your computer?
C: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
A: Mac?
C: I told you, my name's Lou.
A: What about Windows?
C: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
A: Do you want a computer with Windows?
C: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
A: Wallpaper.
C: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
A: Software for Windows?
C: No. On the computer! I need some thing I can use to write sermons, track the church finances. That sort of thing. What do you have?
A: Office.
C: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
A: I just did.
C: You just did what?
A: Recommend something.
C: You recommended something?
A: Yes.
C: For my office?
A: Yes.
C: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
A: Office.
C: Yes, for my office!
A: I recommend Office with Windows.
C: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a sermon. What do I need?
A: Word.
C: I know. I get that from the Bible? John 1. "The Word was made flesh.."
A: No, Word in Office.
C: The only word in office is office.
A: The Word in Office for Windows.
C: Which word in office for windows?
A: The word you get when you click the blue "W".
C: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about church finances? You have anything I can track our givings, our money with?
A: Money.
C: That's right. What do you have?
A: Money.
C: I need money to track my money?
A: It comes bundled with your computer.
C: What's bundled with my computer?
A: Money.
C: Money comes with my computer?
A: Yes. No extra charge.
C: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
A: One copy.
C: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
A: Microsoft gave us a licence to copy Money.
C: They can give you a licence to copy money?
A: Why not? They own it!
(A few days later)
A: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
C: How do I turn my computer off?

A: Click on "Start" .............

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Try These.

Sat, 24 May 2008 22:23:45 +0200

Tongue Twisters

Here are three tongue twisters to try - read each one ALOUD really FAST three times - they are all short and no doubt you will manage them easily - or will you?

1) Shy Shelly says she shall sew sheets.

2) Which witch wished which wicked wish?

3) Steve's shop stocks short spotted socks.

Now for THE HONESTY TEST.

In your opinion which was the easiest and which was the most difficult - or were they all very easy.

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Use Your Imagination.

Fri, 23 May 2008 21:55:35 +0200

Wondering what comes to mind - LOL

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The Latest Theory.

Thu, 22 May 2008 13:40:55 +0200

The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. The new theory is that men don’t mature. So you might as well marry a younger one.

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